A Tale of Two Weddings

Today is a different type of post. No food, no recipes, just a little more insight into who I am and some advice I have for others. Specifically, this is for anyone who is a future military spouse.

January 15th, 2015 was the day I got married. May 6th, 2016 was my wedding. Why? Let’s start at the beginning.

My husband and I met in college. We were together for many years, eventually moving back to where I grew up in Massachusetts, getting secure jobs and starting a life together. The only problem was he had a masters degree that was going to waste. Architecture was not an easy community to break into and jobs were scarce. After much deliberation, he decided to give the military a shot and try to become a part of the US Navy Civil Engineer Corps.

There was some back and forth. At one point, he was told there weren’t enough spots and he wouldn’t be selected. We sighed and accepted it and settled back into life as we knew it. Then he got a call… just kidding. There is a spot for him. Within a couple months, he was gone to basic training.

After that part was over and we were reunited, we had a few weeks together before he had to move to California to continue his training for the CEC. This is also were we would be stationed once he was officially in. We had to make some big decisions. The first one was that since he would be so busy with classes, then directly going on his first deployment overseas, it made more sense for my to stay in Massachusetts and keep working my full-time job for the better part of a year and spend time with my family and friends. The second big decision was… do we get married?

Every little girl imagines her wedding day. What she’ll look like, the venue and, back in the day, my fantasy probably involved Leonardo DiCaprio or a Backstreet Boy. I had songs I wanted to play. I had an idea of making my own dress with a train covered in white silk flowers, for some reason.

As I got older, I got more practical. I also got more anxious and the idea of planning a wedding seemed incredibly stressful to me. Before the military was in the picture, I was fine being in my mid/late 20s and just living with my boyfriend. I was in no rush. But now, I had to be.

We got engaged on Christmas Eve 2014 and were legally married about 3 weeks later. We did it this way for the same reason a lot of other military couples do it… money. I hated the idea. I hated that my loved ones wouldn’t be there, I hated that it was just at the courthouse, I hated that I would have to explain for the rest of my life why I have two anniversaries. But it just made sense from a practical standpoint. As a married couple, your housing allowance goes up, pay goes up and I could get onto the Navy’s health insurance, which was very important, since I was eventually quitting my job.

Our courthouse wedding happened when he moved to California and I went out to help him find a temporary housing situation and see where I would eventually be living next fall. It was strange. It was like going to the DMV. You fill out papers. You wait. You sign more papers. You wait. Then they brought us to a separate area to perform the ceremony, basically a blocked off section of cubicles with a plastic trellis arch and fake flowers. Unbeknownst to us, we had to do the whole “for better or for worse” deal, led by an extremely sassy judge and a witness who they pulled out of a random work station, who spoke little to no English. It was hard to keep a straight face, because it was unexpected and felt like a scene from a sitcom.

Afterwards, the judge asked if we had an iPhone, so she could take our picture. We did, and she did, and that was that. We drove to the beach and had champagne with a fancy lunch, trying to give some sort of weight to the day. We returned to our hotel and started calling up family members and our closest friends to say “guess what we did today…”, which was actually pretty fun. Some of them thought we might be doing the marriage thing that week, but I never fully committed to the idea until the day we decided to go through with it, so essentially we were calling everyone to say “Surprise! We eloped.”

A couple days after we got married, I flew back to Massachusetts. Besides one more trip in the spring to attend the annual Seabee Ball in California, I didn’t see my husband for the first 8 months of our marriage, another part of this whole plan I hated.

Now came the, uh, fun part: planning a real wedding ceremony. Actually, we decided early on we’d refer to it as a wedding “celebration”. As much as I wanted it, I dreaded it. I had this anxiety that people wouldn’t want to come, or think it was stupid that I was having a wedding month and months after being legally married. I felt like calling it a ceremony would be a lie and that everyone would be rolling their eyes as I walked down the aisle.

Looking back, it was a lot of internal struggle for nothing. I got on message boards and websites for other military couples and realized it was a more common practice than I had thought. I heard from (and eventually over the past couple years, met) a ton of spouses who went through the same process, with the same doubts. Will my real wedding not be taken seriously? Will my loved ones be annoyed? Does this mean anything? Should I even bother?

The answer was overwhelming this: HAVE THE WEDDING YOU WANT. You deserve to have a day that’s all about you. You deserve the dress, you deserve the first dance, you deserve the cake and the photos and the party. People who love you want to celebrate with you. (An open bar doesn’t hurt the cause either, wink wink.)

So I did it. I picked out my dream venue in Massachusetts, rustic and charming. I got my dream cake, layers of double chocolate, tiramisu and my favorite, strawberries with whipped cream. Best of all was my dress. My mother, sister and two of our best family friends took me to New York City for the day to shop at Kleinfeld Bridal, where they film “Say Yes To The Dress.” I did not elect to be on the show, but they did happen to be filming the day we were there, so it was very cool to see it. My consultant, Lisa, is prominently featured on the show. She was SO NICE and understood what I was looking for and didn’t put any pressure on me. I ended up trying on a dozen dresses, but going back to the very first one I put on that day, a romantic, lacy Maggie Sottero gown that I had fell in love with online. It was the perfect experience.

What I wanted the most out of my wedding was for it to be fun, for everyone. My brother in law performed the ceremony and was amazing and hilarious. Our bridal party was small, with only my sister and sister in law beside me, and my husband’s two best friends with him. I walked down the aisle to Ellie Goulding’s version of “Your Song”, we closed the ceremony with When In Rome’s “The Promise” (my 80’s movie moment, in my mind) and my husband picked out our first dance song, “Stay Young, Go Dancing” by our favorite band, Death Cab for Cutie. There was a late-night after party in a hidden basement club at the venue with pizza and french fries for everyone to snack on.

We definitely skipped some of the traditional aspects.We did our first look during our pre-wedding photos so we could get the formal portraits out of the way and actually join our guests during cocktail hour between the ceremony and the dinner reception. There was no gift registry, no throwing of the bouquet and no first dances with parents. We cut the cake while everyone was still finishing dinner, because we wanted to get to the party as fast as possible and not interrupt the dancing for anything, other than one epic group photo taken from the balcony. We did things the way we wanted, mostly with the goal to maximize the time we spent with our guests.

A lot of people kept giving me the advice to “prepare for at least one thing to go wrong” on the big day and to just roll with the punches and enjoy myself. Honestly, there were no glitches. We got our good luck rain, but fortunately it was only during the indoor ceremony. The beginning of the day when we were out taking our photos in the gardens was sunny and clear.

All my vendors showed up on time and exceeded my expectations, from the beautiful flowers (that included succulents, and even rosemary for the guy’s boutonnieres), to the delicious cake, to the incredible photographer. My maid of honor, my sister, made sure everything went off without any added stress to me. It was literally a dream come true, and I can’t think of how the day could have gone any better. It was the most fun and most magical day of my life.

And NO ONE acted like it wasn’t a real wedding. It WAS a real wedding. That’s why we choose to celebrate May 6th instead of January 15th. My husband I spent so much time apart that year we were legally married that it didn’t seem right until we said our own written vows and threw the party we wanted, surrounded by the people we love and who love us the most.

To anyone having to make these same decisions: Have the wedding, whenever it makes sense for you. Don’t focus on the timing and the paperwork, focus on what makes a wedding special to you. Do what makes you happy and what satisfies all those fantasies you had when you were a kid, dancing around your room with a blanket on your head for a veil. (Uh, I mean, not that I did that, or anything…)

So even though we’ve been husband and wife for over three years, Sunday was my second wedding anniversary. It’s not exactly what I imagined as a little girl, but there’s not a thing I would change about it now.

Aloha, 2018!

Hau’oli Makahiki Hou! Happy New Year!

Let’s be honest. 2017 was a little rough overall. I’m not going to get into the state of the world and my (many, many) thoughts on it, because that’s not this type of blog. I can say that beyond all the weirdness and bad news that was floating around, 2017 actually ended on a positive note for me personally.

The year started off with my husband in the middle of his 7 month overseas deployment. That was extremely hard. I don’t speak much about being a military wife, because I am not really that involved in the community. Don’t get me wrong, I have made a ton of friends over the past couple years with people in the service and their significant others, but you aren’t going to find me joining any social clubs or showing up to the bake sale. Those events make sense for a lot of people, especially those with children, so I am not making fun. It’s just not for me.

People outside the Navy community would say all the time how I was brave during deployment, or how they couldn’t imagine being away from their spouse for the better part of a year. I appreciated those thoughts, but I always felt awkward. I know other wives who have children or who were pregnant or who are running their own business… I just had to worry about myself. I also think about those deployed to much more dangerous parts of the world than my husband was.

I didn’t think I deserved much credit, but I also never really admitted how hard it was. Not like, hard to get things done or take care of chores alone, but just how empty the house felt sometimes. Luckily, I have a wonderful family and friends both near and far (even if I didn’t take advantage of those shoulders to cry on all the time) and now we are on the other side. So, no use dwelling now!


Brighter days are on the horizon

The beginning was rough, but the ending of 2017 was amazing. We got our new orders to Hawaii, bought a house and as of December 16th, officially moved!

The military moving process, especially across an ocean is… interesting. It’s also why the blog hasn’t been updated since Halloween. I spent November tying up loose ends, preparing for our move and packing. Yes, on a military move, they will literally do 100% of your packing for you, but I am CRAZY and did a lot of it myself. (All the little things and personal items, the furniture I was glad to leave in their hands.) We moved out of our California townhouse on December 1st and our belongings were loaded up to be shipped to Hawaii.

For the next couple weeks, we traveled to see both our families in the Midwest and New England, then back to California to get my car shipped and make the final leg of our journey to our new home.


Goodbye, California!

This part also involved flying with our beloved Corgi-mix, Mona. I’m not going to get into how stressful it is to get a dog cleared to live in Hawaii, but I’ll tell you we had to start the process at the end of the summer. It’s all about timing with vaccines, blood tests and paperwork. She had to spend one night in quarantine while they processed her papers, but luckily she was good to go. PHEW.

Oh, all our stuff that was shipped a month ago? Including all my kitchen gear? Yeah, it’s still somewhere out there. For the past couple weeks my husband, dog and I have been living in a four bedroom house with nothing but an air mattress, a couple beach chairs and an iPad. We just got a pull-out sofa a few days ago for our downstairs guest room/den and I’m pretty sure it’s saving my lower back from permanent damage.

I’m glad I had to foresight to put together a mini kitchen kit for myself. I’ve been working with a tiny cutting board, one crappy knife, a rubber spatula and not much else. I caved and bought a baking sheet and a small sauce pot, but it’s still not enough to really make the food I want to make. That’s why there have been no new blog recipes. I was optimistic that our things would be here by the new year, but oh well. It’s going to be a sweet day when they do arrive. And at least I remembered to put a beer/wine opener in my kitchen kit.

I know, I move to Hawaii and sound like I’m bitching about not having my knives and pans and spice rack (not to mention my bed, my TV, my computer…). It’s a tad inconvenient, but we have been so busy exploring and working on the house, that it’s been just fine.

Actually, it’s been fantastic.

We spent Christmas day at the beach. We went back up to try more of the North Shore food trucks. We have been out to try new restaurants, bars and breweries near our neighborhood and in downtown Honolulu. We’ve sat for hours in our new backyard playing cards and having cocktails in plastic cups. I’ve seen a double rainbow. Heck, I’ve seen RAIN (I really missed that in Southern California). We all, dog included, are enjoying the weather, the outdoors and our new home.


I can’t confirm or deny if I was so excited I almost cried… I really love rainbows

Oahu is beautiful, but the best part has been the quality time with my husband. Last year’s holidays were great because I was home in Massachusetts with my family, but it’s always strange to not have him around. Even though we had no presents or decorations, 2017 was still a great holiday season together.

We’ve started painting and remodeling our house and I’m so excited with our progress so far. We are pretty much finished with the front hallway, the downstairs guest room/den and the bathroom across from it. Next up is the big stuff: main living area and the kitchen, which is going to require some outside help. I’m SO ecstatic to be designing my own space and see it come to life. The next Picky Gourmet kitchen is going to be picture perfect!

For the coming year, there’s a lot on my mind for this blog. I’m excited to expand a little further past recipes and share some house projects with you and more of my life in general. I always tried to keep my blog focused only on food and recipes, because I figured that’s the only thing people really wanted to read, but feedback tells me otherwise. People keep suggesting I open up more… surprise, surprise.

I have a feeling the Picky Gourmet is going to look a lot different by the time 2018 comes to a close, but let’s take it one day at a time! I’m very excited to see what this new year holds and I hope you all are feeling that renewed, hopeful energy as well.

Expect a food post ASAP. Meanwhile, enjoy some more photos from Hawaii and make sure to follow @ThePickyGourmet on Instagram for foodie adventures! Let’s do this, 2018.


Downtown Honolulu views from the Hale Koa hotel


Waikiki at sunset


A beach in Kailua, Lanikai in the distance


Yokohama Bay Beach, about as far west as you can drive on the island


A beach park on the east side of the island


I could get used to this

Until next time!

xoxo